i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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