Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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