Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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