OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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