Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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