hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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