Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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