wrigley field is MILF paradise
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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