What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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