I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
