Hey man sorry I got all grabby
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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