Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she told me i tasted like america
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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