I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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