i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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