He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I didn't notice because vodka
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
