He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
