need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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