please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
