Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
