i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
