a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
