Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
