when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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