one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
