Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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