does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
