cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
