Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
