dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
