They should really pass out barf bags in church
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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