Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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