he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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