with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
