dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
