Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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