My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
