Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
