Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize