So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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