The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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