i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
