On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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