I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
