Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
