My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
