Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
