dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I intend to get homeless drunk
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Damn victory sex feels great
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
