there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
