Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
