Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
